It's like God shit irony all over that family
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
