How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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