So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we're making bets on your personal life
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
