Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I love having hate sex.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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