I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
