I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
