guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Holy shit dude........stairs
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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