Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
