you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
