At least make sure they are 18
Why
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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