all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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