he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
