Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
