i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
