My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
