so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
