yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
