I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
