well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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