I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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