return my video game
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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