i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
