You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
