I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
