When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
