is your mom at the bar?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sext me about skeletons
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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