I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
