It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
