he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
