dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
