went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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