We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
