I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
