is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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