That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
