im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
