ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
