I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
