just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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