I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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