the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
