can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
