You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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