Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
