Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
