sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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