I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
