listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
