I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
