mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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