Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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